To the Best Friend I Never Appreciated

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this; however, if you do happen to come across this, please know that I’m sorry for never being a best friend for you because you were my best friend. You were there for me when no one else knew what was going on, pushing me to do my best and I’m sorry I abused your friendship. I wish I could go back and redo everything – who know, maybe we’d still be friends.

The day that I first met you was one I’ll never forget – your favourite colour was pink and you showed up with pigtails and cowboy boots to match. I thought it was so amazing that someone would embrace something they loved that much through their clothes and I thought you were so cool in your pink cowboy boots. I remember our first sleepover, the late night phone calls to complete quizzes from J-14 magazine, and the first time you showed me Titanic.

I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate you. You were the first friend to pick up the phone in the middle of the night because I was upset. I don’t know if I ever really thanked you for everything you did for me. I remember calling you one day because I was in such a bad place and you actually came to help – that was mind-blowing to me. The thought that someone would actually care about me was so foreign. You let me open up about all my darkest thoughts that I had never shared with anyone. You convinced me to eat, even if it’s just a few strawberries. You held me while I cried with each bite of a strawberry and even helped me to call a suicide hotline for my own safety. When I almost lost my Aunt, you were there to support me and gave me a place to clear my head.

As we got older, things changed and I wasn’t ready for that change. I said things I didn’t mean because I was hurt and I hate myself for that. I never realized how things were changing for you and I didn’t respect it. I rethink everything and I just wish I had been a better friend to you – a friend that you deserved – but I didn’t deserve to be your friend then. I needed to go through this struggle and this huge change to be able to deserve any friend as amazing as you were. Unfortunately, I was too late – and that’s okay because I am so thankful that I had your friendship for so long. I’m thankful that I got to be friends with someone who was so caring and thoughtful. I’m sorry I took advantage of you and I’m sorry I hurt you.

I’m happy I got to apologize to you before we went our separate ways. I hope we ended on a good note.  I’ll always have amazing memories of my childhood because of you. Thank you for being my friend and loving me through a period I believed I was unlovable. You’re friendship has been one of the best parts of my life and I thank you for all of the love and friendship you gave me. Thank you for being the first real friend I ever had.

I hope you have a good life. I hope you’re being appreciated by the people in your life the way you deserve. I hope you have a friend that’s as good as you were to me.

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