So This Is Love

*submitted by anonymous contributor
** Photo by Akshar Dave from Pexels

I don’t know how to put this kindly
this silence, you know – it cuts me
I don’t know how to say this lightly
your body language, it’s fucking with my psyche.
I’m laying here, recessing, quivering cold
and baby, I’m certain I need your soul.

I’ve been around the world in 37 seconds in this mind of mine
I’m spinning in here, so fast, afraid, just looking for a sign
a sign they all told me would be there.
I must let you know, and it’s just because I care
but there is no sign there.
I must act for my heart and do what I think is right,
which means breaking through this wall, this fright; it’s built so high
until I soften, and slowly start to spiral
it’s our own kind of withdrawal
and baby, I know I need your soul

I only wish you could see yourself as beautiful, or maybe handsome
Is that too much to ask, in this cold world, where you feel so awful?
I only wish my hands could trace your silken silhouette
and in one big silent breath,
I’d continue to delicately caress,
as you took in the thrill of the joy you bring to my senses.
I know you think you’re a junkie and I think you’re exhilarating.

It gets tough to trust it’s ‘you not me’
although I know nothing, is enough to feed
that demon. that demon I know all too well,
that demon I, too, have stared in the cold dead eyes and said
‘see you in hell’.

That guy likes to build a big, dark home.
he’ll keep you in it, all alone. I know
It’s 4am, I’m throwing rocks at your window
recessing, quivering, cold
this is not my home
this is barely your home,
merely your battlezone.
and he’s locked me out.
I can’t breathe, I can’t see, he’s locked me out.
I’m begging to be let in and he’s locked me out.
4am, I’m throwing rocks here,
I feel like I’m going to vomit my heart here
it’s pounding so hard I’m gasping for air here
my rocks are barely making it there
I’m trying to figure out how to change the locks
or do I just be the one to walk away
I’ll make my way home to bed tonight though I’ll probably just lay awake.

See I’d fight the fire for you
all I want, is to adore you
I know my love isn’t enough for you
I wish I could do it right.
I want to love full through you like the tide in the ocean.
pushing and pulling you closer with each and every breath I take,
leaving you, peaceful, with ripples on the surface.
ripples that trace the gentle tips of my fingers.
from your soft curly hair, the smile on your face.
my god, it melts me.
ripples from the outpour of my love from your soul.
my god, it consumes me.
so full of love, something you may have never known or felt before
and I could live forever in awe, and adore
knowing I had the pleasure of bringing you to the top of this world
If only I could figure out how to leave you there

Because this has been more than just a thrill
We fought and made up and made space, until
there’s no one, no place we’ve had this
It’s lucid, it’s wild, it’s compelling, it’s
home. it’s home. That’s what it is.
with you, we don’t have to be she
I’m open to be me, whatever the fuck that means
and I don’t think you, either
were so much of a believer
that the space you take up
could be filled with more than your genetic make up
but I hope I’ve given you the space to see
your fucking beautiful to me
I don’t care who you say you are, what you listen to, what you wear
just the fact that you’re there.

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