There are days when I don’t realize how lucky I am to have this amazing human sitting across the table from me. Whenever he smiles at or tells me he loves me, I get butterflies. I love how much he loves me (and honestly, it motivates me to love myself [or at least be more neutral to myself]). Too often, I wake up to see his face planted into his pillow, curling up with a Stitch Tsum Tsum and I can’t help but fall in love with him all over. I feel safest when he wraps his arms around him and pulls me close until I can feel his heart pounding against mine, so loud until we become one. I could lay amongst the bed sheets all day with his arms around me and I would die believing it was the best day of my life.
I’ve been struggling with my depression and motivation lately because of the necessary actions of COVID-19 (sound familiar?) and this man of mine, my partner, my rock suggests a date night, so of course, I swooned. He gave me a mission and kicked me out of the apartment (don’t worry y’all, I was grocery-shopping for next week and dropping off my laundry to my mom* – ESSENTIALS ONLY). It actually felt good to drive around – I’ve been cooped up for the past 3 1/2 weeks to protect my health – and I felt the best that I had in weeks. Not only was my partner planning something special for me at home, but he had also managed to motivate me to do something productive with my time (apparently, creating all of my friends in Sims isn’t productive).
When I got home and walked into my room, I was amazed to see a tent set up in the middle of my room with board games, blankets, a chicken fajita and snack buffet, and twinkle lights. “We couldn’t go on vacation, so I decided to have a stay-cation,” he whispered into my ear. As I lay amongst the pillows and blankets, I imaged the twinkle lights as the stars from Killarney and actually felt at peace. It took me back to our camping trip in May 2017 when we had found the perfect spot to place our tent. Right by the lake, there was a clear spot with a fire pit that was isolated from the main area of the island and we spent hours that night staring into the stars, talking about our future and dreams. Sitting in a tent in my room in Toronto with Dollarama twinkle lights over my head made me forget that the world outside is a scary place right now and I don’t think I can thank him enough for that peace of mind.
Everything he does makes me feel special and everything he does, he does with so much love in his heart. I can’t imagine life without him and I don’t even want to. He makes my day better from the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep buried in his love; he makes me smile and pushes me to be authentically myself no matter how weird I may be; and he loves works every second of every day to show me he loves me through Facebook messages, funny faces, memes, and even fighting my eating disorder with love and support.
I just hope he knows how much I love him and how thankful I am for his presence in my life. He’s an amazing human being and sometimes, I worry that he doubts himself. I love him for everything that he is and I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that he knows that I’ll be the big spoon and hold him close to keep him safe; I’ll always beg for another kiss before you leave for work and it will never be enough; I’ll always hoard our ticket stubs; and I will always be a complete weirdo. For you, I would take on the whole world.
*SHOUT-OUT to my awesome momma for offering to do my laundry
during this pandemic in order for to maintain social-distancing.
You’ve made this difficult time a lot easier by relieving the anxiety of going outside.
I love you, Mom & Dad. Forever.