One Year in Recovery: What Got Me Here?

My first day in treatment at Toronto General Hospital was nothing like what I expected: the days were shorter than at Credit Valley (8 hours a day vs 4-6); there were more patients but we were split up into ‘small groups’; there was more freedom around food choices and more opportunities to get involved with your food; and there were more opportunities for therapy. The only thing that I was actually right about going into this first day was that I was terrified. It was relieving to know that I wouldn’t be sharing the 1.5 hour group therapy with 12 other individuals trying to recover because we were able to allow ourselves the time to speak about what was on our mind. In groups of 5-8 (depending on how many patients were in the program), we would take the time to analyze our emotions and symptoms to build skills that would support our recovery. Not having to brief all of my emotional turmoil in a 30 second speech to 12 strangers, all of whom are waiting for their turn to share their emotional turmoil, removed a lot of the anxiety that comes with group therapy (for me). As well, TGH offered opportunities for you and your fellow co-patients and a member of TGH staff to go to a local restaurant, in order to help normalize eating in a restaurant and help to remove some of the fear attached to the experience. While I didn’t partake in this, I think it’s an amazing tool for so many in recovery that struggle to dine in restaurants or around other people. I had a few friends that benefited from this experience and actually found it enjoyable. I, however, worked with the dietitian to focus my time in treatment on cooking meals for myself and after 2 weeks in treatment, I made it my responsibility to prepare my own meals, forgoing the hospital meals offered to me as a patient. It allowed me to put the time and energy aside each day to prepare food for myself, something I’ve never been able to do. The final piece of the puzzle forming my recovery? Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Unfortunately, therapy is expensive. Thankfully, TGH is a research hospital and as a result, there are times when there are more opportunities for therapeutic resources alongside your treatment. I was lucky enough to be able to partake in Cognitive Processing Therapy to treat Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The combination of CPT with my eating disorder treatment allowed me to move past my trauma in order to move forward with my recovery. I still struggle with PTSD and I’ve learned how to cope so that my triggers don’t push me closer to my eating disorder.